All Creation Groans, Part 1
“Love don’t live here anymore…” © 2009 Robb North under Attribution 2.0 Generic
Many of my clients are reluctant to share their struggles with family, friends, or coworkers. Their hesitation is well-founded. The average American still does not consider mental illness a topic for polite conversation. Many of us would rather hear a friend talk about her cancer than her depression or panic attacks. On the other hand, mental illness provides more fodder for comedians than cancer. And I am more likely to question another driver’s mental competency (“Are you crazy??”) than suggest that he has lymphoma (“Late for chemo??”). A half century after One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, mental illness continues to bear much stigma.
The stigma of mental illness often causes deep pain within families. Some of my clients are afraid to open up to their loved ones because of past judgment and ridicule. The relationships that once provided them safe haven seem to offer only indifference or contempt. To control the chaos, some families adopt a code of silence and exclude the mentally ill member from important conversation and activity. These families appear intact to outsiders, but insiders know better.
It takes a great deal of courage for people with a mental illness to communicate constructively when their families are not inclined to listen. When my clients succeed at this, they seem to have learned important lessons of assertive communication:
- I have a right to express my feelings, whether positive or negative.
- I have a right to ask for what I need and have others respect my needs.
- I have a right to say no to requests or demands that I cannot meet.
- I have a right to be angry with people I love, including family members.
- I have a right to expect honesty from others and confront dishonesty.
Dr. Richard Foss 